. 28.12.2010 (part 1) .

Well well well.. as u see the tittle, here is my lil' update (part 1) about my birthday 3 days ago. I wanna share my happiness! Like u see, this is the birthday card i received form my besties. Hemm.. this card is pretty big, isnt it? hehe..
Actually i usually so much appreciate a hand made gift and oftenly i prefer the card to the gift, bcause i think, when someone give you a handmade gift, that means ur friends/ the one who give it to you think that u r so special in their heart, yeah this is just my opinion, if u are disagree with me, it never mind i just share my opinion. hehe..
buuuuuuuuuut.. it doesnt mean that i dont like the gift, i like it. SO MUCH! as long as it is given by my beloved one hoho
I will post some picts about the details on my birthday later as soon as i have time, so be patient okay? hehe..

sooo yes, here it is my birthday card.. if u cant see the wishes, here i translate it to youu

"semoga dania panjang umur, sehat selalu, selalu dalam lindungan Allah SWT, semakin dewasa, selalu ceria, selalu sukses apapun yang dikerjakan, dan walaupun waktu terus berjalan, umur terus bertambah, elo tetep jadi dania yang kita kenal.. =) love you always"

(in English, *sorry if i wrongly translate it hehe)

"Dania hopefully longevity, healthy always, always in the protection of Allah SWT, the more mature, always cheerful, always doing whatever successfully, and although the time went on, life continues to grow, you remain as Dania we know .. =) love you always"

ps : laffyaa too bestiieess

pps : thank you so very berry much too for everyone who wished me a happy birthday, and ofcourse i laffyaa all too *smoochies!

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. willy nilly .

2010 please dont go.

Oh myy, rite now i feel so much worry. I worry about everything in my life. Seems that now i'm in the hardest part of my life as a collegian. Yeah, you call it, S! this "Skripsweet" thingy makes me feel in so much stress. And with everything that comes and go in my life, this thing looked so harder and harder. Too many things that i couldnt shout. All of this just makes me more "silent". Cant tell any story, cant tell how i feel inside to anyone. And yes just like usual i turned into an introverted girl when i'm in situation like this. And so my surround ppl treat me bad when i'm in this situation. They keep thinking that i'm a weird one. hahh..

okay, i try not to blame them since i'm the one who is guilty in charge. yahh but sometimes could i ask for more? i just want someone to cheer me up, comfort me, support me without i tell them to. couldnt i? okay call me selfish. it's me the selfish one. I'm sorry for that.

"And I find it kind of funny
I find it kind of sad
The dreams in which I'm dying
Are the best I've ever had
And I find it hard to tell you
I find it hard to take
When people run in circles
It's a very, very... mad world... mad world..." ~Adam Lambert (mad world)

These last few months flew so fast. i even cant enjoy it day by day. There are too many things that change. So many changes. Too many changes. And i cant accept it. Since i'm the one who run in circle, i just confuse with all of these changes. 2010 flew so fast anndd DANG! it's December already. For me, december is the most important month. On december i supposed to be more mature with my thougt, my behaviour and all the things, with the age that increase by the end of this month. But the fact every year on December i kept thinking that i cant be more mature, i just more immature. sigh. why is it so hard to be more mature?

Dan entah kenapa gw selalu ngerasa bulan Desember ga akan menjadi bulan yang menyenangkan buat gw? Apalagi taun ini yang ditambah sama deadline skripsi yang semakin deket dan dengan ga adanya kemajuan dr skripsi gw apa gw ga blh ngerasa begitu?
duuhh pemikiran rasanya udh pesimis aja. Pesimis takut ga bisa ngasih ssuatu yang baik buat orang tua. Ga bisa ngebahagiain mereka. Ga bisa ini dan ga bisa itu. sigh.
Tahun ini terlalu banyak yang terjadi. Terlalu banyak kejadian yang ga mengenakkan buat gw. Terlalu banyak kejutan kejutan yang membingungkan. Terlalu banyak kehilangan di 2010 ini. Terlalu banyak gejolak didlm hati yang ga bisa diungkapin. dan yang paling penting Dania banyak berubah tahun ini. Entah kenapa gw susah banget buat menjadi diri gw yang menyenangkan tahun ini. Semua temen, sahabat, keluarga pasti ngerasain hal yang sama terhadap diri gw. Dania berubah. Kadang suka sedih kalo mikirin hal ini. Tapi yang gw sampe saat ini masih ga ngerti, sebenernya gw berubah menjadi seseirang yang lain, atau sebenernya gw berubah menjadi gw yang sebenernya? yeah, i mean. this is me. literally me. The one that cant always happy everytime. The one that cant pretend anymore. The one who cant please everyone with harm herself. I'm just to tired. Terlalu cape buat jadi seseorang yang cuma dijadiin sbg penghibur buat orang lain tanpa harus merhatiin perasaannya sendiri. Terlalu capek buat menghibur temen2nya dan sahabat2nya yang terkadang suka ga bisa mengerti perasaannya juga. Terlalu capek buat dijadiin tempat pelarian waktu lagi sedih dan ditinggalin waktu lg seneng. Terlalu capek selalu dianggep nomor 2 dan dinomorduakan. Terlalu capek buat ga dihargain ketika melakukan sesuatu. Terlalu capek buat mendengar semua janji janji yang pada akhirnya orang itu ngelupain janjinya begitu ditanya. Terlalu capek buat selalu berusaha buat ngejelasin apa yang gw mau dan ga ada yang bisa ngerti dan selalu men-judge gw sbg org yang jahat, org yang egois. capeeekkkk. diem salah. ngomong slh. gw harus apa?? please tell me, world!
huahh.. and again at this time i just too demanding. But all i want just everyone understand me. I cant being like this all the time. Gw ga bisa setiap gw gamau ngomong, dipaksa buat ngomong dan ketika gw ngomong gw malah dicuekin. I always try to let go all of things. But sometimes the "things" just dont wanna let go of me.

Mungkin emang gw yang harus introspeksi diri sendiri. Mungkin emang ada yang salah sm diri gw sendiri. Selalu terpikir buat jadi "another" me. but can i? would it be better?


ps : Dear friends, if u read this, i would like to say sorry if u think that i'm too demanding. I'm too selfish. But all i wanna say is, please understand me. I cant be ur number 2 everytime, sometimes i wanna be ur number one. I did everything my best. I just want u to appreciate it. This is me. I'm here. It is hurt so bad when i try to cheer u up when u r in bad mood, but u give me no response. You keep silent on me. You treat me like something useless. Then when u r happy, sometimes u forget about me. and i just wanna tell u that i love u with the love that my heart can give to you. I m sorry for not being "me" just like the way you want. Please dont go when i need u to be my side. Please stay here with me when i'm down. and if u think that i dont deserve it, please tell me so i can stay away from you.

pps: guyyss and again sorry harus membaca tulisan kaya gini :)

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. a post to my almighty Allah SWT .

Do i have always to be like this? Ya Allah, please lead my way, give me ur clue, what's wrong with me? What's wrong with my feeling? What's wrong with my life? What's wrong with all of this?
There's no words cud explain my feeling rite now. Another "blank" in my mind. I dont know, but why i just can pretend that i'm happy lately, i laugh loudly, speak a lot, smile often in front of everyone, in front of my friend, in front of my family but deep inside my heart, i cant feel anything, i cant feel the joy of my laugh and my smile. Everything seems so fake. And no one know it. This is hurt. Every time, i always try to mind every one, but i cant do it to myself. I always try to make my beloved one happy, but i cant do it to my self too. And somehow i just feel that i'm alone in this world. But when i think of it, i blame myself. There are so many people that love me. There are so many friends that always try to make me happy. And here are my family too to make me feel warm and calm. I dont know, but i think i lost something and i dont know what is it. I keep on searching n searching all the time and absolutely only you who know the exact answer. You know me more than 100 percent even more than myself. I keep on running and running from all of this, something weird happened to me. What am i running away from? Everything messed up. I made it messed up. I shouldnt have been like this. I should be enjoy being me. Maybe somewhere out there, there are a lot of people that wanna be me. There are a lot of people that envy my life. I should be thank to you with everything u gave me rite now. I just too much asking and asking. I'm too demanding. I know. I know.


Sigh.. Ya Allah, please forgive me, i know that i've been too much complained to you, but i just dont have anyone or anyplace to complain. That's only you. Only you, the greatest Lord who cud hear every single voice from my mind, without i have to shout it out. Only u who knows what i'm feeling rite now. And only you ya Allah who will always know what is the best for me, and only u who have the best plan in the world for me, and i know that u'll make it all perfect in the rite time. I always pray the best, i believe in you. I believe in ur way. I believe everything that comes from you, whether it is good or bad. I love you with all my heart ya Allah. You are the best. The greatest. Ya Allah, help me out from all of these. Only you who could give me a way out. Only you who could help me get through these. Ya Allah please hear me. I know u will. Please give me the best in everything ya Rabb, i beg you.

~amin amin ya rabbal alamin.

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. special things .

11.10.10

Something special with this number? If u say no, so what's the difference with 10.10.10? What's so special with number 10-10-10? I definitely dont get it, is it only me or do u think the same?
for me, i dont care the number, it's not important, the most important thing is the memory behind those numbers :')

Just like what i said before, i do sweat the memories behind the number. Memories that make those "prety" number so special.

Here i goes.. Actually, i wont share the memories i got on 10.10.10, but i'll share with number 11.10.10. Yes, you rite! It was yesterday! one of a shocking day for me..

"It's a happy or sad life, it depends on your own perception, not the circumstance." ~wilzkanadi

i call it shocking, bcoz i was given a news that i never imagine it before. Luckily, a pretty good one. The most shocking news is.. in the afternoon i got a msg from friend, here it is

Friend (F) : "dania.. Minta data dunk..
Buat 20 ipk tertinggi aksi,bs ikut rekruitment ke kpmg dan pwc.. Minta no ktp,no hape,no rmh sm email yaa.
Tq.."

Oh my, do u know what's in my brain that time? A flat line. Haha, yes it was! I felt so confuse at that time. I kept asking n asking myself, did my friend sent a "right" msg to a "right" one? So i pushed reply button, i sent her a msg

Me (M) : "Hee?? 20 ipk tertinggi?? Emgnya gw trmsk sel? Btw datanya krm lwt sms sel??"

I was still in a flat line feeling, i kept making sure myself that it was wrong, it's not me, it's imposible! She just sent a msg to a "wrong" one. Then, i got a reply

F : "Iyaaa dannn.. Trmasukkk lhooo.. Hihihi.. Iyaaa..by sms ajah.. (blablablabla)"
*p.s : sorry cant tell u the full msg, due to it's so personal :)

Duarrr (backsound in my mind), oh my God! This cant be real! even i have never imagined it! How come? Till now, i always think n feel that i'm such a bad collegian, i'm one of the most idiot collegian in my class, too many friends that smarter than me, i'm nothing if u compare me with them, i'm the number "zero", and so on and so on. Many thoughts in my mind.
Yah, just so u know, as a collegian, i often "bolos", "madol", "kabur" from class. Never study seriously when there is a midtest nor final test. How come? 20 ipk tertinggi di kelas? Aahh, this is just a dream, a sweet dream, too sweat! But this is a reality, a fact! Ah THANKS GOD!

Sorry if u feel that i'm sooo arrogant, but i never aim like that. Please trust me. I just wanna share my happiness, since i always give sad stories, so i just wanna share the "happy" one to balance it.

Ternyata.. Allah SWT itu memang selalu memberikan "sunshine after the rain". Masih inget gimana kemaren i shared a "dark" story of my life, then.. U see? Allah SWT give me a good news. A news that can make my day :)
This news just give me a lil' spirit. Meyakinkan diri gw kalo akan selalu ada kebahagiaann stlh kt mengalami kesedihan. Sedikit mengangkat gw dr "deep black hole". And the most important thing is there will always be an ups and downs in life, so just live it well.

"Life is a mystery. Don't waste time trying to figure it out." ~peaceful warrior

Ohyaaa ada 2 hal lg yg membuat kemaren sukses menjadi a shocking day for me.
First : i found 2 full episodes of a series that i search weeks ago, yeah pretty cool, cause i couldnt find it before. So now 2/15 completed search :). (still) hoping that i can find the rest, hehe.
Second one : i got a new friend because of u, blog! As always, i turn to a happy creature when i got a new friend (since i only be friend with few people).

Okayy, thank you for wasting ur time read this post guys. Always wishing my post could bring a positive thing to everyone who read it.
And i'm going to sleep now, it's 5.30 in the morning and i havent slept yet. Hoho, so have a good n wonderful tuesday!

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. blank .

my post on : Oct 11, '10 2:54 AM Friends, family, problems, environments, situations & many other things change me A LOT lately, even sometimes i just dont understand n lost myself. And rite now i'm nowhere, dont know what to do, how to react, how to laugh, how to cry, how to response something, n all i know : i'm LOST. Dont touch me, i'm fragile. Just pretend nothing happened with me. Dont ask cause i wont answer. Just see, shut up and sit next to me. Make me smile with ur eyes. Fly me to the other world. Take me high to the wide blue sky. Bring me to the rainbow. Let me forget everything. Life, always gives me billion reasons to cry. Billion reason to make me feel confuse. Billion questions to answer. But me only one. One brain that couldnt answer all of those questions. This feeling, ah do i still have any feeling? Even i dont know the answer. i'm in a labyrinth. A maze with no exit. That is life i live. When i got a wrong way, it could bring me back to the beginning. Or i keep in the same place. A place that i remember but i always dont know where to go. This is tiring. this is confusing. When will i end this labyrinth? When will i find the exit? I have no place to go. I have no place to pad. This just too hard for me. No one could understand me. I cant trust any. Not even my best friends. I'm such an introverted girl. Fully introverted. I cant share any secret with anyone. And do u know what always makes me sad? when my best friend says that i'm arrogant, i never share my life. It is sad for me, when they dont understand me. Dont they know that i always keep my own problem bcoz i dont want anyone feel it too. I just protect them. I dont wanna be felt sorry for this. Only with this way i feel strong as myself. I just want they know it. Problems come n go, my heart stands still. Problems always pararelyzes me. I just feel numb. Cant feel n taste anything. Hah, life is too hard. My mind just too weak. This life just give me a feeling that i'm in the deep black hole. Cant exit. Cant find the escape. One word. BLANK.

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. just share : Sifat dan Karakter Cewek Zodiak Capricorn .

ps : the bold one describe me the most

Wanita yang jangkung, lansing dan tenang. Begitu marah, ia akan sangat galak. Ia akan dapat bekerja dengan lebih baik daripada beberapa pria, dan dia adalah wanita yang sangat percaya diri. Menurut pendapatnya, wanita bukanlah sekedar bunga untuk penghias rumah atau kantor dan jelas bukan gender yang lemah yang membutuhkan pertolongan saja.

Ia suka mengendalikan dan menyembunyikan emosinya yang lemah. Ia tidak akan pernah mencoba untuk mengubah siapa pun, dan ia akan berusaha menerima mereka apa adanya. Jika ia tidak menyukai seseorang, maka ia tidak akan akan mengkritik atau memberi komentar, tapi langsung tidak mempedulikan orang itu sama sekali.

Ia benci bunga plastik dan bunga buatan karena hal itu terkesan tidak tulus. Ia menyukai bunga hidup dan baunya. Ia juga menyukai cowok yang memakai pewangi after shave. Jika anda adalah tipe orang yang akan memakai Jeans anda sampai sebulan, baru kemudian mencucinya, atau orang yang memakai sepatu lama, lebih baik anda melupakannya.

Ia mencintai musik dan alam, walaupun terkadang muncul juga kasus langka, (tidak menyukainya). Ia suka berpiknik di alam bebas, maka, jika anda tidak punya banyak waktu untuknya, anda lebih baik mengajaknya dalam perjalanan memancing. Dia tidak sepencemburu wanita Leo atau Aquarius, tetapi jangan pernah melintasi batas.

Lebih baik anda tidak memarahinya, terutama di depan publik di mana dia dapat merasa dipermalukan secara umum. Ia suka berdandan dan memakai baju dengan sempurna dan sangat rapi, maka jangan pernah memaksa diacepat-cepat melakukan hal ini.

Ia memiliki tujuan sendiri dalam hidupnya, dan tidak peduli apakah anda memiliki gelar doktor atau tidak, jika ia menanggap anda tidak cerdas, maka dia tidak akan peduli tentang anda sama sekali.

Ia suka bertemu dengan karakter orang cerdas, bukan karena sertifikat yang menyatakan bahwa ia cerdas.Jika memang anda tidak mampu menunjukkan bahwa anda cerdas, lebih baik anda segera menyingkir pergi. Ia tidak pernah menyukai pemimpi yang membicarakan mengenai mimpinya, tetapi tidak pernah berusaha mewujudkan mimpinya.

Jangan pernah mengatakan kepadanya “semua orang melakukannya, maka kamu sebaiknya juga”, atau “rasanya lebih baik kamu lakukan, karena itu baik buat kamu”,karena ia hanya akan mau melakukan apa yang ia mau lakukan. Ia adalah orang yang rapi, jadi jika kamar anda mirip kandang babi, jangan pernah ajak dia masuk kedalam kamar anda.

Jika anda pergi kencan, cobalah tampil serapi dan sebersih mungkin, kuku juga bersih, atau kalau tidak,kencan itu akan menjadi kencan terakhir anda. Ia adalah tipe cewek yang ‘cool’ dan tidak akan merengek-rengek, begitu menyenangkan di telinga anda.Ia adalah tipe yang pelan tapi pasti. Ia akan selalu menghormati dan menghargai anda dan tidak akan pernah membuat anda malu.

Jika ia mencintai anda, ia akan selalu membantu anda melakukan apa pun yang anda lakukan. Ia suka membantu orang tanpa pamrih. Jika ia meminta anda melakukan sesuatu, dan anda tidak membantu, maka ia akan merasa sangat kecewa. Ia memiliki harapan yang tinggi dan percaya diri yang tinggi, ia lebih mempercayai kemampuan diri dan kepercayaan dirinya daripada“keberuntungan.”

Jika istri atau pacar anda adalah capricornus, maka anda akan memiliki rumah yang indah dan nyaman, dan makanan yang enak. Jika orang tua anda mengunjungi rumah anda,mereka akan merasa puas. Ia adalah seorang 3 in 1, ibu rumah tangga, istri, dan wanita yang sempurna, dan anda pun dapat mengatakan “bahagia selamanya”.. --> amin for this

.: wanna see urs? click here

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. Sebuah tamparan .

Inilah hidup, dimana kita ga bisa nentuin jalan apa yang kita mau untuk hidup kita. Kita ga punya kuasa buat apapun yang akan terjadi dalam hidup kita. Kita semua bisa berharap dan berharap atas segala ssuatu yang menurut kita baik, tapi bukan kita yang menentukan apakah ssuatu yang kita mau, pasti terjadi. Lagi lagi semua bukan kuasa kita. Kita sebagai manusia, makhluk Tuhan cuma bisa berharap dan menanti apa yang akan Tuhan gariskan untuk kita. Sebesar apapun keinginan kita, kl Tuhan udh ga ngijinin hal itu pasti ga akan kejadian.
Orang yang gampang putus asa pasti akan menyalahkan apa yang telah Tuhan gariskan buat kita. Semua yang baik di mata kita, belum tentu baik dimata Tuhan, karena Tuhan punya rencana yang lebih baik yang udh disiapkan buat kita. Hanya saja sebagai manusia kita terkadang kita ga bisa menerima dan ga bisa memahami apa yang akan digariskan Tuhan untuk hidup kita. Sedih, senang, semua udh diatur oleh Tuhan. Tuhan-lah yang memegang segala sesuatu. Tuhan-lah yang menentukan ke arah mana hidup kita akan berjalan. ke arah mana hiduo kita akan dibelokkan. Ke arah mana hidup kita akan dilanjutkan.

Hari ini, gw jadi sangat trenyuh atas berita duka yang dtg di siang hari ini. Jujur gw memang org yg paling gampang sedih kl denger2 berita yang begini. tapi berita yang kali ini jujur bikin gw pengen nangis. entah kenapa. Sedih banget denger berita yang satu ini.

Blog... Hari ini gw denger berita duka cita dari temen gw. Gw sebenernya ga pernah deket sm org ini, tp entah kenapa hari ini gw merasakan apa yang lg dia rasakan skrg. Sedih. itu yang gw rasain sekarang. Rasanya pengen nangis dengernya. Gw mikir apa jadinya kalo gw jadi dia? Apa yang akan gw lakukan? Apa yang akan terjadi kalo gw seperti dia? Ekspresi apa yang harus gw keluarin ketika gw kehilangan 2 orang yang sangat amat gw cintai dalam satu waktu? dalam 1 hari.
Ya ALLAH.. kuatkanlah temanku ini ya ALLAH.. berikanlah ia ketabahan dan kekuatan untuk menghadapi cobaan yang maha berat ini ya ALLAH.. karna hanya Engkaulah yang dapat menguatkannya, hanya Engkaulah yang dapat membuatnya tabah, hanya Engkaulah yang dapat membuatnya bertahan, hanya Engkaulah yang dapat membuatnya tetap terus menjalani hidup ini tanpa menambah apa yang telah menimpanya sekarang. Tolong ya ALLAH.. aminn

at last.. gw cuma mau bilang, mulai sekarang hargai semua yang kalian punya. Jangan pernah memikirkan apa yang telah tiada, karna suatu saat waktu sesuatu yang kalian punya menjadi tiada makan kita akan merasa sangat menyesal, menyesal karna ketika kita memilikinya, kita tidak pernah mengindahkannya sampai sesuatu itu tiada. this is just a lesson for me. Gw harus lebih menghargai segala sesuatu yang gw punya.

"i have to focus with what i have, not with what i dont have."

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. hurts .

Maybe i'm just being too sensitive, but It always hard for me to behave my feeling when someone doesnt understand me as a "truly me". It is hard to understand why everyone never see me as myself. It is very hard to hide my sad feeling when someone always care about my bestfriend and not me. Do they know that it always hurt my feeling to the most? i always pretend nothing happen, it isnt hurt at all, but deep inside my heart, i feel wanna cry. I never told it to anyone, even my parents nor my bestfriend. I just can keep it myself. I always hide it. But i will never know, till when i can hide this feeling.
When will someone see me as "ME", not like someone else? When will the time comes?
so please.. I just want to be respected as my own self not like someone else.

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. arti hidup .

my post on : Jan 17, '09 9:09 PM

Hidup Berarti:

Suatu tantangan yang harus dihadapi
Suatu Perjuangan yang harus dimenangkan
Suatu Kesusahan yang harus diatasi
Suatu Rahasia yang harus digali

Suatu Tragedi yang harus dialami
Suatu Kegembiraan yang harus disebarkan
Suatu Cinta yang harus dinikmati
Suatu Tugas yang harus dilaksanakan
Suatu Romantika yang harus dirangkul
Suatu Risiko yang harus diambil

Suatu Lagu yang harus dinyanyikan
Suatu Anugerah yang harus digunakan
Suatu Permainan yang menyenangkan
Suatu Impian yang harus diwujudkan
Suatu Perjalanan yang harus diselesaikan
Suatu Janji yang harus dipenuhi

Suatu Keindahan yang harus dikagumi
Suatu Pertanyaan yang harus dijawab
Suatu Kesempatan yang harus diisi
Suatu Persoalan yang harus dipecahkan
Suatu Kesulitan yang harus ditaklukkan
Suatu Rahmat yang harus dipelihara dan dicintai

(Pemahaman HIDUP dari seorang Bijak)

~found this on internet years ago, me so lovey this words!

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