. a post to my almighty Allah SWT .

Do i have always to be like this? Ya Allah, please lead my way, give me ur clue, what's wrong with me? What's wrong with my feeling? What's wrong with my life? What's wrong with all of this?
There's no words cud explain my feeling rite now. Another "blank" in my mind. I dont know, but why i just can pretend that i'm happy lately, i laugh loudly, speak a lot, smile often in front of everyone, in front of my friend, in front of my family but deep inside my heart, i cant feel anything, i cant feel the joy of my laugh and my smile. Everything seems so fake. And no one know it. This is hurt. Every time, i always try to mind every one, but i cant do it to myself. I always try to make my beloved one happy, but i cant do it to my self too. And somehow i just feel that i'm alone in this world. But when i think of it, i blame myself. There are so many people that love me. There are so many friends that always try to make me happy. And here are my family too to make me feel warm and calm. I dont know, but i think i lost something and i dont know what is it. I keep on searching n searching all the time and absolutely only you who know the exact answer. You know me more than 100 percent even more than myself. I keep on running and running from all of this, something weird happened to me. What am i running away from? Everything messed up. I made it messed up. I shouldnt have been like this. I should be enjoy being me. Maybe somewhere out there, there are a lot of people that wanna be me. There are a lot of people that envy my life. I should be thank to you with everything u gave me rite now. I just too much asking and asking. I'm too demanding. I know. I know.


Sigh.. Ya Allah, please forgive me, i know that i've been too much complained to you, but i just dont have anyone or anyplace to complain. That's only you. Only you, the greatest Lord who cud hear every single voice from my mind, without i have to shout it out. Only u who knows what i'm feeling rite now. And only you ya Allah who will always know what is the best for me, and only u who have the best plan in the world for me, and i know that u'll make it all perfect in the rite time. I always pray the best, i believe in you. I believe in ur way. I believe everything that comes from you, whether it is good or bad. I love you with all my heart ya Allah. You are the best. The greatest. Ya Allah, help me out from all of these. Only you who could give me a way out. Only you who could help me get through these. Ya Allah please hear me. I know u will. Please give me the best in everything ya Rabb, i beg you.

~amin amin ya rabbal alamin.